Oldest invited a school mate over yesterday. And said mate is actually 'in the hood' and will go to kindergarten this coming year at the same school. I am learning; I asked at the Montessori before I invited "and what do you think about ____ coming over for a playdate?" And got the thumbs' up. (Actually, this Old Dawg is learning; I asked Youngest' special ed teacher what summer camp she would recommend for Youngest, my short-circuiting-in-groups youngster, and was given some options back in February)
Why did I not remember that Three is the Very Worst Number for amount of children on a playdate? That one would be left out in Playdate Hell? And that one would, of course, be Youngest? Both Oldest and his friend are Oldests. They have all kinds of tricks to rid themselves of sibling baggage. Which tricks were used to their extreme yesterday, to the point I finally separated Youngest and gave him a special movie. And held him, and smooched his tears away.
Then I started spiralling with despair; is this how his school life will play out? The butt of most jokes, the game of the day "Let's Pick on Youngest!"? Luckily, a very good friend called during my darkest moment. And she pointed out how huge, how very strong Youngest is. She said, sure, he will get teased. But he definitely isn't going to get manhandled. The boy has his benefits.
And I felt better. Not that I want him to the the bruiser on the playground. But defending his psychological turf. You betcha.
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5 comments:
When my daughter had her birthday party, there were eight other kids here.
She was doing her best to make sure her brother didn't join in with anybody.
It's a sibling thing. Ain't it great?
Numbah Two Son is the kind that would rather eat his own eyeballs than join in. But he won't get picked on. He'll thrash the offender until he stops (fave move? headbutt to the nose) and then he'll exhale in relief and go back to square one, happy.
Oy.
-J.
I've held back the Boy from pre-school, so he will be able to cope with these things when he's older. Thankfully, so far, his older sister is good to him. I'm trying to make it a 'normal' thing that they get along and not listen to people like my MIL who say 'oh that will change when they get older'.
Sounds like you're on the right track with Montessori. My kids will both be going to the little, local, community school, where they won't be eaten alive.
Did they attack him with life sabers and pelt him with stuffed animals from the top bunk? That's what my almost 5 year old and 6 year old friend did to my 22 month old. Usually he's so loving to his brother, but when he's with his friends....I just don't get it!
It's heartbreaking, trying to help our children navigate through life with as few bumps and heart bruises as possible. I think these things go through cycles - Youngest is not always going to be the youngest, and by the sounds of it, not the littlest either!
For some mysterious reason, my little one used to get hit by other larger children at parks...even though I was there. Of course, by the time I dashed to his side, the damage had already been done and he was sobbing, broken-hearted. I'd come home and cry. But now he's a little older, and even though he's still small, slight and sensitive, other children tend to leave him alone. Touch wood.
Maybe a talk to Oldest about familial responsibilities? Heck, I don't know, just guessing here! But leaving other people out doesn't make you a better person. Strangely, my brother is the only person who never, EVER leaves me out of anything.
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