Sunday, July 26, 2009

WOOT! Semi-Annual Post!

Oh, so what.
What has happened lately:

1. My dear Daddy, 81 years of age, died suddenly of massive heart failure. To say it has been sad, shocking, nearly unbearable is barely scratching the surface. He was my sons' 2nd daddy, as their daddy travels so much. My dad and mom went on almost all our vacations with us, with Ken joining as he could. We had 4 summer trips planned, and well - we're doing them but it is emotionally difficult for us. I will write more about this - what it is like to lose a parent - but quite honestly I am still Raw.

2. I've had to help my mother deal with a) a large property to manage, b) a charitable foundation to manage by ourselves, c)money stuff and d) purging old records. My father had kept every record. Want to know what they paid for their sofa in 1952? "Baker 'Jackson' curved-back, double pillow Sofa, upholstered in sage brocade with down pillows and extra-long fringe - $395.00" They have hand-written records from 1966 on the current house. You know, to compare utility bills from decade to decade *rolling eyes*. There are 25 years of military records. But it is her and my father's history that is being shredded like so much confetti and it is so terribly sad for her. So I try to be gentle and understanding, and let her hand me the documents to shred after she has hugged them and smelled them and cried a bit. Since they lived so many places, had so many homes, there are alot of Bygone Days to visit.

3. Bigger Boys have Bigger Lives. Cripes, how much more time could we possibly spend in the car?

4. Why do we suddenly have 8 bikes in the garage? Where in the hell did that red one come from?

5. Staying OUT of the sun has been easier for me this summer. It's been cold and raining, then super hot, now a bit rainy again.

6. I went wheat free in April. The fun of finding new food to eat has vamoosed, along with my will to go shopping for groceries. At first I dropped a bunch of weight, but now I'm doing the Poor Me eating of dark chocolate and ice cream because HEY! Those ARE wheat free items and isn't gluttony one of the steps of grief?! Yeah, I'm getting round, again.

7. There are Trips to go on and plan. The annual trips that both my parents attended in the past are difficult at first for all of us. My mother comes on some of them, but can't face others. We are still doing them, as Parker and Ryan are still so excited to go. But they cry because PopPop's not with us, too. And then we have to explain to friends at each different locale why PopPop's not with us this year.

8. Feeling like I lost a huge part of my heart. Will it grow back? I don't know. Daddy's only been gone 2 months (tomorrow) and I have to say I have lost a great deal of -- what to call it? Innocence? Naivete? Those aren't the right words! I swear I have lost something and some days I Just Want IT Back.