I forget; We Are A Biracial Family.
My children are -- my children. I no longer see that they are Asian, Korean to be exact. They are simply my sons. I see people staring at us in the street and I assume "Oh, they are thinking what gorgeous boys Oldest and Youngest are!"
But today? I was snapped back. I mentioned to my sister that I had a less than good experience meeting someone today, someone who will have a bit of contact with our family. We went over the usual possible reasons; the woman may have been having a bad day emotionally or physically, She could have gotten distracted during the time she should have been giving us attention, etc. Then my sister said these words "Or maybe she doesn't like Asians. Or is thinking 'Oh yeah; another one buying herself the newest Hollywood Acquisition; different-race children'."
I was stunned. At first I thought, my sister is being a bitch to me! What in the hell! Then I processed it - This might be happening much more than I know.
It was like being socked in the belly - I was physically overwrought for a few seconds. My guts twinged. Who could possibly think there were ulterior motives in wanting my children? How could anyone not know the fierce, visceral love we have for our sons? That I could not love them more had they come shooting out of my vagina?
This really had me thinking today about stuff I hadn't visited for a long time. Harking me back to those Looooooooooooong days doing research, taking bi-racial family classes, reading books, visiting with the Social Worker (who had a few bi-racial, adopted children) and doing tons of work on the What Ifs.
Yeah - What If....
I thought I was prepared to have things like this wash off me like so much sudsy water in the shower.
I have been raw since this conversation. Hugging and holding and smooching the very cheeks off my sons. Wishing I could create a perfect world where Love was the key. When just loving your children was enough.