Saturday, March 18, 2006

Just say NO when an esthetician offers to wax your "Moostash"

Just take my word for it. Decline the offer.

My sister Joan and I thought we were in for a day of lovely relaxation when we went to a local day spa not too far from her house (and being the erstwhile pilot that she is, the fact that she had a gift certificate from that very spa had some effect on the choice of this place, I'm sure). We got there and were quickly whisked away to our respective rooms; Joan for a nice, relaxing massage, me for a lower leg wax. I got settled on my back in the very nice, dimly lit room and suddenly hear "close eyes please". Okay, I close eyes. Suddenly, I felt a gentle touch on my eyebrows (which are caterpillar-like and the bane of my existence, requiring much trimming and plucking) and a voice says "Would you like me to wax your brows? They could look very nice." Ah, sure, nice is a good thing. Then the voice pauses and says "And the Moostash - you want to lose this?" My eyes pop open and I ask "My MOOSTASH?!" and she says "Yes." What can I say. Yes, let's 'lose the moostash'. I think "How much can it hurt?"

BWAAAAA HA HA! It hurt like a sonuvabitch! She applied wax, placed 4 little teeny pieces of cloth on one side of my lip, and then YEOUCH, YIKES, SHIT & GODDAM that hurt! My eyes started to stream tears and my nose started a fierce itching, an almost insatiable itching. Then I started sneezing. For the other side of my lip (which I seriously considered saying "Oh, never mind; just the one side was bugging me!"), with every SCRITCH of the teeny tiny cloth, I let loose a tremendous, door-rattling WHA-CHOO! The eyebrows were a piece of cake by comparison, and not a sneeze was heard.

Then came the leg waxing. Not too bad, except for the missed strays. Those were mercilessly plucked from the tenderest portions of my legs imaginable, the inner calf. My eyes started streaming again. I felt like a first-class wuss.

My hat is off to any person who can stand to have their nether regions waxed. I'll keep my bush as nature intended, thank you.


blackbird said...

I practice a little yoga breathing while she puts the wax on...I almost feel - lying there, as though I could take a wee nap.
she rips the hair out of my face and I try not to yelp.

MsCellania said...

Hey, thanks for the comment, and a hint at that!
Okay, if I'm ever brave enough to let someone have a go at the moostash again, I'll remember to do some breathing. Anything to take my mind of what's to come!