Me: Wait a minute; I have to move to get better reception (while spinning around in Williams Sonoma, trying to hear better).
Her: Blah blah can't-hear-her-blah...
Me: Crap! My phone doesn't have any reception! Can you hear me? I can't hear you!
Her: blah blah *bling - crystal clear* Oh! I can hear you now. What happened?
Me: This phone is So Old. I mean it's the phone on Year 1 of Alias for gosh sake!
Me: Never mind - it was a spy tv show. Off the air now. Never saw how it ended the final year.
Her: Well, if you need a new phone, you should get one while Anne-Marie is there.
Me: What's that weird noise in the background? Sounds like an ad for a cell phone or something.
Her: Oh, that's the new cell phone! I hope nobody is texting me! I can't figure out how to retrieve text messages, and there they sit.
Me: Wait a minute; isn't that your family ring tone? Isn't that what they say on that ad...
Her: Oh, Yes! It's (her daughter)! I better get this...
Me: OK call me back...
Her: No, I'll tell her I'll call her back.
Me: SHIT! My phone just went dead!
*whacking the stuffing out of it on an upholstered chair in the mall*
Me: Are you there?
Her: What was that thumping noise?
Me: Beating my phone to make it work. Sometimes it just goes dead! But I don't want to get a new phone! We never learned how to use these phones and I found a text message from a couple of years ago on thing last week!
Her: Oh, I know what you mean! This new phone can do everything but stir the soup. And I only know how to turn the thing off and on and to answer calls. Last time I learned how to use the phone, (her husband) traded all our phones in and got new ones. Completely different. So I never learn how to run them anymore. I think you can take videos on this one, too.
Me: Hey, there's that ringing again. I swear, it's your family ring tone, or something.
Her: Oh, yes! It's (her husband). I'll let that one go to voice mail - oh I can't! I don't know how to retrieve messages yet! I'll be right back.
Me: SHIT! My phone went dead again! *Mercilessly whacking it on the upholstery, again*
Her: Are you there? Hello? Are you beating that phone again?! I'm telling you, you better get a new phone while you've got that 20 year old in the house. She can show you how to run it.
Me: Just what I need - to be able to text, take photos and drive all at the same time!
Her: Is that the same phone you were complaining about being so slippery you were constantly dropping it?
Her: Do you mean you've had the same cell phone for 7 years?
Her: How do you get away with that?
Me: I know what you mean! It's great to have the same old phone. No learning curve. SHIT! It's dead, AGAIN! Oh, no, don't know what happened - Are you there?
Her: I should let you go.
Me: Yes, I have to get Anne-Marie something for her birthday. Hey, why did you call?
Her: Geesh, I can't remember.
Me: You know, maybe I'll stop by that phone kiosk around the corner...
Her: OH! I remember what it was! We have a new home phone number since (her husband) got the new phones. It's xxx-xxx-xxxx
Me: You called me right? I can just save it on my cell phone.
Her: Hey, that's right! I have to learn how to do that again. Oh, probably not! This phone is completely different from the old one.
Me: Can you believe we just spent (looking at phone) 22 minutes talking about our cell phones. Not how your trip to China was, or how my kids are. No. Our Stupid Cell Phones.
Her: I'll call you at home later. Then we can talk.
Me: SHIT MY PHONE IS DEAD. AGAIN. *drops slippery phone and it busts into 7 pieces this time*
And - I lost her new number as I can't put the phone back together. I guess I really will have to buy a new cell phone.